11.13.2025

I will do anything to avoid having to go to a physical workplace again.

I will splatter the internet with my resume in faith that something somewhere has to stick.

I will steal your most personal information. I will descend with it to the bottom of the internet and sell it to the lowliest lowlifes I can find. Lowlives, even.

I will narc on your neighbors so I can kidnap their dogs. Don't worry about the dogs; I will be kind.

I will go door to door and campaign for causes and candidates I find loathsome in my bones.

I will put my nightmares online. When I run out I will borrow your dreams and pass them off as my own.

I will pretend to have Severe Associate Disorder and beg for funding to cover my bills.

I will make lists and pass them off as literature and ask you to pay for them.