2.02.2026

Oh you should have been here when Claude was alive, they tell me at the science academy. Claude was this albino alligator everyone talks about like he had a personality, like he had a prefrontal cortex, like he loved children and wouldn’t have eaten them, and everyone is in mourning and there’s a shrine festooned with illegible handwritten cards. Everywhere I’ve ever been the locals tell me how cool it was right before I showed up, like I’m here to flip your houses or drive prices up and I say I’m broke, I’m not a threat, all defensive, and they’re all yeah but Claude was really special. He was the best. Yeah I bet he was. Real dynamic conversationalist. Like you're all not just sad because he's white.