5.23.2025

Once I got used to it it became a little addictive, and now my map of the city has adjusted to the reality that I can usually find a bike within a few blocks and ride the clunky bastard wherever I need to go, drop it off, and explore a new neighborhood. It's helpful, too, being on an island. Geographical and hydrological barriers to ending up on the Queen's Highway.

Bixi bikes are different sizes, I discovered. Why wouldn't they be? Human beings are different sizes, and this is a communal ride-sharing system in a highly democratic city. Yet this did not occur to me when I picked out a bike for a ride to Mount Royal.

I pulled the thing off the rack and took my seat, adjusted the gear, and realized right away I was sitting much lower than expected. Like knees level with my elbows low. Not wanting to deal with putting the bike back and having to re-unlock another one, confusing the app and causing a breakdown in some system somewhere, I pushed on despite my discomfort.

So I'm on this low-rider bike, arms stretched out above my head, emulating a motorcyclist with ape hanger handlebars. My stride is much longer and I'm working much harder than I'm used to. Plus I'm going uphill, ascending the Plateau, to go for a hike up a mountain. It starts to burn and my lungs struggle and my only recourse is to curse the bike itself. Topography is also to blame.

I'm doing this high-step aerobics exercise on a small but incongruously heavy bicycle, convinced I'm justified in the workout but also frightened that I might be over my limit, not having engaged in as much aerobic exercise as usual these last few months, and when I finally reach the sidewalk across the street from the mountain, I get off and walk the beast the rest of the way to the docking station.

Admissions: I rode regularly, almost daily when the weather allowed, in Michigan and Chicago, for many years. Neither place has hills. That's on me for discounting the challenge presented. Also, I only ever use single-speed bikes because I'm not interested in having to worry about or clean gears or deal with complicated messy chains. I never even considered adjusting the gear on my murderbike until I'd already walked off the pain and cleared my head.

In my defense, I did not ride into the river.