5.29.2025

Weird insomnia's getting the upper hand on me. Full REM for a few hours than ka-smack I'm awake like it's time to do something. Opposite of sleep paralysis. Waking immobility. I'm not fit to make diagnoses. Last time this happened there was a direct cause and effect, the cause being a useless therapist who in our one and only session diagnosed me with vitamin D deficiency, never mind that I told him I was on supplements and getting outside for a couple hours a day. He put me on 100 million units or something up there, in the cosmic scale of things, which I learned a few nights later has the potential to rewire your nervous system real quick so your circadian rhythms stop following the sine wave pattern you're used to and start looking like staccato beats and shouts on an audio recording. He spent a good portion of our session talking about his boat and how he was looking forward to retirement and I sure as hell hope he did. He also didn't write anything down, canceled our second appointment, and never bothered to follow up about it. Anyway I don't know if that's the cause this time but I'm making adjustments. The daily and nightly bike rides have me feeling good, the healthiest I've been since I got here, and I have to remember that I'm on this magical island with its own compass points and that there could be some science in the way the sunlight is refracted off the St Lawrence at this particular latitude and stupid as that is I'm in no position to argue.