Manoogianism

Manoogian was a man. He was an Armenian man who escaped genocide under the Ottomans. Skip ahead a few decades and he was making single-handled sink faucets. Don't know if he invented them or if he Edisoned the idea from some poor faucet designer who'd devoted his life to the concept. But he held the patent and that's usually all that matters. His company, Delta Faucetures and Plumberies, crushed these out and sold them all over the world. He made so many his name is all over Detroit. The mayor's mansion is his old house.

We call single-handled faucets Manoogians here. It's a status symbol to have one and a sign of lower status to have to turn two separate knobs to get the right temperature. I turned on my non-Manoogian and a thick stream of lead came out. I drank it. I am now resistant to radioactive fallout. I have an allergic sensitivity to high concentrations of iodine so lead is better for me than the pills you're supposed to take if you're exposed to radiation.