You, President

You're the president now. Whatever job you were doing and if you liked it doesn't matter anymore. The business of America is your business. Being you is like riding a tiger. Walk softly and go where Secret Service tells you to. You can do anything you want and the world is your oyster or your clams linguini if you want it to be. You're the goddamn president and you better get used to it.

They come early in the morning to deliver the news. Let's say you're in your trailer or on the subway and you're looking at your phone like holy crap can you believe what that lady said on that thing next you know you're in a bulletproof limousine designed by Q from James Bond only American. This is how we do things a guy with a cord looping out of his ear says, now if you don't mind you're off to be briefed.

You're briefed. Holy shit are you briefed. What you learn changes you. We're not alone, is what they're saying. Anyway here's what's happening on an island in the Pacific you always thought was in the Caribbean. Then some serious crap about the farmers.

Yesterday you were someone else but today you're the president. Sir or Ma'am, your press people want to know. Sa'am is fine, you say.

Behind the big oak desk you do not feel resolute in your resolutions. Executive orders are easiest but perception is everything. Your chief of staff is a former hockey coach who uses violent metaphors. The interns are terrified of everyone but you. This familiarity, can something be done about that? Probably not, Sa'am. The lottery system we're using now is designed to make the People feel like you're no better than they are. So I'm just some piece of shit from nowhere still? That's not inaccurate, but it's important to remember that you're also president. That gives you quite a bit more influence than regular pieces of shit.

What if I don't want to do this anymore? We're afraid that's forbidden, Sa'am. The appointment is for life. Okay hear me out, what if I were to give my responsibilities to someone else? There's precedent for that, Sa'am. Wait who's the vice president anyway? The VP hasn't been disclosed to us at present. You're telling me there's a goddamn secret vice president? It's been determined that it's best that no one know lest it complicate the power balance. What power balance? You keep telling me I'm the president, can't get more clear than that. I want you to find out who the goddamn secret vice president is and get them in here. We'll work on it Sa'am. Yes you will.

And another thing I don't want to work in this room. It's gaudy in here. Plus the window seems really open to whatever's out there. What else do I need to know? We can tell you that your popularity is holding. Is that good? That's subjective Sa'am. Well what's it holding at? About the middle. Polls suggest the People are waiting for you to do something. They're withholding judgment? Something like that. Holding their breaths is more accurate.

Well give me something to point stuff at. We have all these weapons. There must be something we can do with it all. And find someone from my old town and bring them in here. Anyone in particular? Get Ron. Ron was always good with advice. What will Ron's position be? Advice giver. Will he have clearance? Clearance for what? The only thing I know is that even I don't know enough about what the hell is going on to make informed decisions. Fetching Ron now, Sa'am.

It's been like this, ever since Inauguration, which you don't remember well because you were sleepy then your nerves were on fire with adrenaline and you heard yourself saying the Oath and then it was over and there were events and you came out and waved and said the same thing you always say when you're forced to speak to a crowd: I'm not big on speeches, you'd say, then turn around and walk away and hope a few folks got the gag.

But now you're here and there's stuff to do and it's hard to know which stuff needs getting done first. You put your hands behind your back and walk around the room for a while. It's remarkably quiet in here. Even with all the humming everywhere, it's like the beekeepers' boxes you used to hang around. Better get presiding.

What would you like to do next?